my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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