Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
