i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
