i already hear my dad disowning me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
