who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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