so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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