I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
