I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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