So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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