I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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