My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize