I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
