1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
