I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
