New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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