I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
