that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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