i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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