Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
