there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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