Soap is not a condiment
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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