U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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