youre lurking in front of me
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
