6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
