I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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