areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
