community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
