Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
