Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
