My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
