I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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