so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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