What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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