So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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