Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
