Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
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If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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