i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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