Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize