"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
