my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize