so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
