The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
