we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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