but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
