Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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