Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize