More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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