Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
