every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
