and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
