Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
COCAINE IS GR8
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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