just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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