I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
