i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
