Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
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You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?