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walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
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