i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail