Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What a dumb baby whore.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
