Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
