She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later