1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I skipped work to stalk him.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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