I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
