I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
