biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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