I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
it's great music for shaving your balls
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
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I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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