it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
