you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
