we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
