I wanna bring you to show and tell
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
