Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
