you would pick up someone in the library
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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