Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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