After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We got so high we made milksteak
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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