I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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