Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
