i think i have two assholes
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
