i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
