im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
