i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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