Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
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Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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