my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
